Human
beings have the longest dependency on others than any other living
creature. We spend our lives in relationships, either toxic or
nurturing. If the family of origin was not supportive and loving, we
either repeat that pattern or look for other mentors and teachers.
Can
you visualize a closed fist as opposed to an open hand? That is the
difference between a closed and dysfunctional group and a learning,
sharing and supportive one. The closed one is turned inward and harsh in
judgment and expectations. The open one is welcoming and willing to help
others as well as receive help.
Closed
or Open Families
When
we look at families, either of birth or deliberate connection, we admire
and wish to emulate, there are usually a number of variables present in
the makeup. One or more are usually absent from a closed or
dysfunctional family organizations.
-
Open
communication.
The members are free to express opinions and make mistakes without
losing love. They talk often and freely express feelings and
emotions. They look for new ways to encourage each other and don't
just do what has always been done. The family members ask for help,
forgiveness and support when it is needed.
-
A
sense of "us".
A family is made up of individuals with different needs and
abilities. Those individuals form a synergy where the sum of the
parts is greater than each one alone. The members of the family know
that someone "has their back" and will support their
endeavors.
-
Boundaries
and guidance.
Boundaries and rules of society are not to keep others out, but to
keep us safe by understanding the limits of acceptable and
unacceptable behavior.
-
Mutual
respect. Strong
families provide a sense of shared history and traditions. The
family actively teaches and models morals, ethics and respect for
others.
-
Affectionate
and loving.
Parents and families who only touch by pushing or pulling do not
recognize the value of a loving and kind pat on the head, hug or
kiss. Words and actions of love and acceptance are experienced daily
in strong families and then radiated out to the world.
-
A
sense of optimism and hope for the future.
Families that are connected are strong in good times and bad. They
model positive coping strategies and recognize life lessons in
occasional failures.
Can
you and your family change, even if negative patterns have been
established over a long period of time? The answer is a resounding yes.
The more we know, the more we grow. If your family or group would like
deeper assistance than is offered in articles and books and yet not as
expensive as therapy, please Google the phrase "Discipline Yes
Punish No." This can assist you in your journey.
Thank
You for Your Important Work
I
applaud you for seeking help with improving your relationships.
Enhancing the bonds of understanding between individuals is the first
step in building better families, neighborhoods, communities, areas,
nations and a world of peace and harmony. Isn't that what we all want?
