Category: Relationships

The Latest and Greatest Book… and it could be yours for free

How to Discipline Without Damage: Empowering Your Child’s Spirit, teaches one what it truly means to discipline.

How to Discipline Without Damage
The difference between discipline and punishment is the takeaway. One being disciplined learns not to repeat the action. One being punished learns not to be caught doing the action.

You can manage a problem or prevent it from occurring all together. Would you rather empty a bucket from underneath a dripping faucet or fix the leak? Choosing modes of correction is the prior, whereas disciplining is the latter.

Screaming and spanking are not teachers, but rather modes of correction (ineffective ones, at that). They don’t teach children to stop a behavior, just to get better at hiding it.

Disciplining through peaceful methods models dignity, respect and kindness. These values will, in turn, be instilled in and modeled by your children. The key aspect of discipline is to teach, not punish. Through natural and logical consequences rather than punishment, your child will learn desirable behavior.

In this book you will learn:
• The Mistakes You May Be Making in Modeling Behavior
• The Difference Between Outward and Inward Responsibility
• How to Help Children Be Problem Solvers
• How to Repair or Rebuild a Broken Boundary or Relationship
• And Much More

 

How to Discipline Without Damage: Empowering Your Child’s Spirit was just released today. In KDP, a service for Kindle E-Books. Anyone can get it at the low price of $2.99, but if you have Kindle Matchbooks it is only $0.99. And if you are an avid reader with Kindle Unlimited, it is yours for free.

Get this today before the price increases!

 

Reframing Past Emotional Hurts (EXPERT)

We have all had emotional wounding in our lives.  Usually the negative beliefs about our capabilities, appearance or skills were given to us by someone in our early life experience.  The hurt or criticism was typically handed

Sad, depressed, abuse, abusive marriage, abusive family, hurtful situation, reframe hurts, change your belives,
We have all been hurt and sad before. The greatest excercise is to walk….walk away from hateful people. Can you re-frame a bad situation? See http//www.judyhwright.com for assistance. You will be glad you did.

out by a caregiver, parent or teacher. They may even have had the best of intentions and really loved us, but did not know how to express that love in a positive manner.

Reframe Past Hurts

Reframing is a process of consciously choosing the thoughts you have about your memories and experiences.  You cannot make past events go away.  What happened to you is real and is a part of who you are.

However, you have the power to control your future and the ability to have another look at what happened. In the worst of experiences, there was some good.  You can choose to reflect on the life lesson learned in the experience and focus on that rather than the sad or traumatic emotional wounding that occurred.

It is as if you have been given a family portrait from your grandmother’s estate.  You value the picture, but the frame does not go with your style of decorating.  You simply re-frame the photo by putting a new frame around the old picture.  It now fits who and what you are today.

Virginia Dunstone M.S. in her book Why Do I Do What I do? suggests we ask ourselves these questions about past hurts;

  • Can I change what happened?
  • What is right about this picture?
  • What does the situation teach me?
  • Who would I be without this experience?
  • Who are the teachers in this memory?
  • What did they teach me?
  • How can I serve others with what I have experienced?

Past Hurts Can HealWhen we understand that what may have occurred in a vulnerable time in our belief forming years may no longer be relevant, if it ever was, it is easier to let the emotional wounding go. They may shape the adult we became.

Empowerment can come from overcoming emotional wounding and recognizing that we no longer need to carry that burden  of hurt from the past. We can choose to see these wounds through the lens of a victim or change the perception by choosing to look at them through a new and better frame.

Look for Mentor or Teacher To Build Confidence

As you go through this journey of life you will need a mentor, guide or teacher who can assist you in putting new frames around old emotional wounding and past hurts.  Please allow me to be that support system for you.

Claim your free MP3 recording and eBook http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com today.
You will be glad you did. It will help you to be:

– More calm and centered in stressful situations
– More courageous to try new things and opportunities

Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author of over 20 books and many articles on family relationships. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813.

c) Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.

Start Gathering Family Stories Today

Everyone has a story. Our stories define who we are as a person and what part we played in the stories of our tribe. Each of our stories has a life lesson that we learned and we can teach to others. If you want your children’s children to know your loved ones, it is up to you to gather those stories

3 Tips To Make Friends & Gain Social Skills (EXPERT)

Along with the ability to show and receive empathy, it is important to listen, negotiate, compromise and look at situations from another person’s point of view. Of course, just as some people are more inclined to be gifted at music or math, there are those who have a talent for making friends.

Even if they are more outgoing or social, most people and children can increase the social skills needed to navigate through life in a pleasant way. Read these tips for increasing your “likeability” factor in life.

Making Friends: How to Make Friends and Build Relationships

Making Friends: How to Make Friends
and Build Relationships

“How do I teach my child social skills, when I don’t know how to make friends?”

“How do you have time to maintain a friendship when life is so busy with work and kids?”

These are just some of the questions that were asked by adult participants about their own lack of intimate friends at my parenting workshop on The Left Out Child-The Importance of Friendship. The evidence is overwhelming on why good peer relationships enhance the quality of life and learning for children as well as adults.

How adults manage social situations affects the way those children around them view human interaction. If you have meaningful relationships that add pleasure and joy to the quality of your life, they will see and want to have the same thing. When the extended circle of caring nurtures the individual, they will look for the similar qualities in their friends.

Friendship has been describes as the springboard to every other love. Communication and interaction skills learned with friends spill over into every other relationship in life. Those who have no friends also tend to have a diminished capacity for sustaining marriages, work and neighborhood relationships.

If your children are involved in extra-curricular activities, step up and invite the other families to share a pot luck meal before or after the game. Our son’s soccer team had a pasta meal before every game, rotating between houses of players and coaches. It allowed the families to form a bond of support and friendship that moved beyond the soccer field.

The best way I know to tackle social anxiety and make a friend is to be approachable and open to others. Non-verbal language is the communication of relationships and 55% of the emotional meaning of a message is expressed through body language. Another 38% is transmitted through the tone of our voice. Only 7% is actually expressed by words. Verbal language is the language of information, and may or may not be remembered. When you smile and look people in the eye, extend your hand and ask to be included, you will be. If you posture, facial tone and confidence, says “I like myself” others will like you too.

Making friends is a skill and skills can be learned. Like many life skills, they may not be easy, but they are simple and just need to be practiced until they become second nature. Yes, it can take time and effort on your part to build a network of people you can trust and care for and who will in turn be loyal and kind to you. It is well worth the effort for you and your children to find a support system to be with in the good times and the not so good times that accompany all of us in life..

Building and maintaining relationships will be one of the most rewarding projects of your life.

 

Setting Boundaries in Relationships

Setting Boundaries in Relationships

Setting personal boundaries are like identifying the gates in our invisible fence lines which protects the precious heart and soul inside our bodies. Many people look at boundaries as walls, but rather when we establish healthy boundaries it provides a way to distinguish what we choose to let in and let out. They form flexible gates, not stationary walls It is important to learn about setting healthy boundaries so we can make decisions about what is and what isn’t permissible in all relationships.

Boundaries are Valuable

All relationships work more harmoniously when the participants know what to expect and what is expected of them. Being kind, but firm when stating what you need from a relationship allows the other person to reciprocate. How other people act and think often has nothing to do with you, but rather with their own perceptions. You can only take care of yourself.

It doesn’t matter how elaborate the fencing and eloquent our statements are, if we don’t honor ourselves enough to draw the line and stick to it consistently. It is just as valuable to the other person that they learn how to be with you and what the guidelines are for the relationship.

Body Language and Tone of Voice

Verbal communication is the language of information and only 20 % is absorbed. Body language and tone of voice is the language of relationships and 80% is remembered. Make sure you appear confident and you speak with a neutral, calm and non-accusing tone when establishing your boundaries. Use “I” statements which reflect on how things affect you, rather than “you” statements which put people on the defensive.

4-Step Model for Setting Boundaries

1. Calmly inform the other person by stating, “I feel uncomfortable and want to shut down when you yell at me.”

2. Request that they honor your boundary. “I ask that you talk to me without yelling.” Or ..For me to listen and hear what you are saying to me, I need to you speak to me in a calm voice without yelling.

3. Insist that they honor your boundary, again with a firm but kind voice, “I insist that when we are talking we talk in calm voices.”

4. Leave the situation. Now is not the time or place to continue communicating with someone who refuses to respect your boundaries. Leave the door open to talk later in a more respectful manner. Continue to maintain a calm but firm voice and say, “I will not continue this conversation in this way. I welcome an opportunity to talk with you without yelling or screaming at another time. Let me know if you decide to visit without raised voices.”

Don’t Take it Personally

You can not assume responsibility for other people’s feelings, agendas or methods of communication. You can only state how you desire to be treated in life. If there are old patterns, it may take some time to convince others that you are serious about sticking to your boundaries. Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and courtesy.

People you know may be surprised at first when you tell them they have crossed the line, but will respect you more in the end. Hopefully, they will model this communication style and it will make for more honest and open relationships for all.

Giving Feedback to Increase Self-Esteem: Use Respect, Not Ridicule

Giving Feedback to Increase Self-Esteem:
Use Respect, Not Ridicule

Your intention is to motivate a child or employee to do better. You are clear in your mind what you want to achieve and the behavior that you want changed. You expect to be listened to and obeyed! You are right and they are wrong. Someday, they will be grateful that you cared enough to show them what they were doing incorrectly.

Sound familiar? When a situation calls for feedback, we tend to justify our position and come at the situation from a power standpoint. This tends to put the other person in a defensive status and what may have started out as a visit turns into a confrontation, with words and emotions expressed that are not helpful. The ridicule will actually not accomplish what you had hoped and will harm the relationship.

Ridicule or Contempt

Ridiculing someone is to mock by reducing or dismissing them in a contemptuous way. Sometimes the ridicule may be verbal as in a criticism; “You just can’t get this through your thick head, can you?” The disrespect may be done in a completely non-verbal but powerful way; rolling your eyes, crossing your arms and leaning back, smirking or looking away when the other person is talking.

Non-Verbal Language

Verbal or spoken language is the communication of information. Most people only remember about 20% of what is said. Non verbal or body language is the communication of relationships. People look at your facial expressions to see how you really feel about what you are saying and the person you are saying it to. They listen to your tone of voice to gauge how sincere you are.

Respect and Acknowledge Unique Styles

Your child and you are going to make mistakes. You are human. That is just how life goes as we learn from experiences on what works for us and when we need to find another solution. We can make mistakes but still be competent, worthwhile and intelligent people.

No one is going to be perfect, and to only settle for perfection is to set yourself and your child up for failure. If your children have never seen you acknowledge that you screwed up or made a mistake, they will be hesitant to take risks.

Feedback or Criticism

You may be embarrassed to talk about your own mistakes and errors in judgment. That is natural to be hesitant to appear vulnerable but it is unfair to your child to feel that he or she is not reaching your expectations and is a disappointment to you.

Perhaps you can say something like; “I know that you feel badly about the grade. I have felt that way when I worked hard on a project and it didn’t go as well as I had planned. However, I found that the next time it went better for me when I wrote an agenda. What do you think might help you do better next time?

Respect and Tolerance Build Confidence and Self-Image

Thank you for doing this important work to build communication in relationships. Others value your input and suggestions and will want to do the best they can. But when mistakes happen, remember; mistakes are never final and we all make them. It is how we learn.

(c) Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.

Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author. You will also find a full listing of free tele-classes and radio shows held each Thursday just for you. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813.

You are also invited to visit http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com for answers and suggestions if you are experiencing family problems that are deeper than a book or article can solve. This program will transform your family.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members, coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults.

Righting a Wrong Choice: Everybody and Everything Deserves a Second Chance

Righting a Wrong Choice:
Everybody and Everything Deserves a Second Chance

What do you do when you realize that you have made a mistake? Is there a way to make it right with the person who has been hurt? Is an apology enough? How can we be sure that we won’t make the same mistake again?

Here are some great tips to help you make a wrong choice into a right decision. Everyone and everything deserves a second chance.

1. Reflection: Take some time to think about the choice you made and what else you could have done. Assume responsibility for your choices, decisions and reactions; blaming, excuses or circumstances are not a reason to act inappropriately.

2. Recognize: Acknowledge that what you did was wrong, disrespectful or unkind. Recognize that even if you feel you were in the right, there are two sides to every story. Is there a way that everyone involved wins? Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How does it feel?

3. Remorse: Remorse is a sincere feeling of sadness in your heart that it happened and you either knowingly or unknowingly hurt someone else. Be truly sorry and express it in an apology. People need to hear the words. You may need to ask for forgiveness.

4. Restitution: Try to make it better by returning, repairing or restoring, if possible. What do you think is fair? How could you restore a good relationship or trust?

5. Resolve: Resolve to make wiser choices in the future by thinking of options and the kind of person you want to be. Resolve to listen more closely to your moral compass or inner voice. You aren’t perfect and we all make mistakes, but resolve to try again and again and again if necessary. Mistakes are never final and be grateful we occasionally get “do-overs” in life.

6. Release: If you have done all you can to remedy the mistake, then let it go. Forgive yourself if you were in the wrong and forgive the other person if you feel they were responsible for hurting you. You can only be responsible for your own choices, reactions and feelings. Don’t carry guilt, grudges or anger forward in your life. It can make you sick, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Do what you can to remedy the situation and then allow it to flow away.

Everyone and everything deserves a second chance.

(c) Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.

Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813.

You are also invited to visit our blog at http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com for answers and suggestions which will enhance your relationships. You will also find a full listing of free tele-classes and radio shows held each Thursday just for you.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members, coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults.